my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
