im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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