Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
