Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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