girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
