Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
