I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
