I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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