i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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