White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
