woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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