he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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