i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
