I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
