what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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