he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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