You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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