I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
