it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
