: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
