My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
