You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
