if only i could text you this smell
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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