lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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