yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
