You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
