Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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