I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
