Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
