FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
