I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
