But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
