recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
