this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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