i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
