He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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