no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
