I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
