He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
