I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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