Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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