Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
