The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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