I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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