I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
