my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
