nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize