1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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