Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
