Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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