Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
