i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
