Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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