I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
