I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
