I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
