i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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