Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
