the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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