I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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